Tomorrow's another day, I tell myself each night as I toss and turn in a vain attempt at catching some sleep before tomorrow morphs into today. Thoughts keep bulletting their way through my head, piercing every cell that crosses their path and depriving me of my much needed Z's. My job, my ex, my past, the weather, my cats, this other guy, poetry, shooting stars, my parents, my life.....
My life. This is my life. Day in, day out, the story of my life. These thoughts go on and on, becoming louder by the minute, and before I know it my alarm reminds me it's time to go to work. Great. Another sleepless night. My cats make sure I'm up before the snooze alarm sets in, lest I think of having a lie-in, so painfully, I go through all the motions and drive to work in a half-zombified state.
What was it that caused this insomnia? I'm no longer with my ex, so that can't be it. His lies and emotional blackmail no longer affect me. My job? I'm happy in this job. I do worry about my parents, but I don't think they're the reason I'm awake at night. They were always fixed worries, and I have managed to sleep before. Cats are fine, the weather doesn't affect me, the past is past and the future is unknown. So what is it?
All these thoughts keep gushing through my mind, and I feel restless. I get the unsettling feeling that this is it. This is what mt life will be like from now on. And I'm not talking about the insomnia. I mean everything in general - my job, my mates, my array of misshapen relationships with men who always turn out to be Mr. Wrong, my self image, my ambitions. Where are my ambitions? Where have they gone? The me I am now is a direct result of the me of the past, just as the me of today is writing the character profile of tomorrow's me. This is it. I know it's silly....but is this all? How can I change the effect of today's me on my future? Where would I begin? I wish I could fill tomorrow with poetry and shooting stars but is it what life is really about? What if I'm just daydreaming....what if it's not even as exciting as that....what if....
What if I'm right?
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